toghether since 1995... they've been places and seen stuff]]>
Last week I stopped working for my employer and eventhough I had thought this out and am completely aware that what I want is to do something new and "non-corporate" this week I found myself applying for exactly the same type of job. I went on the internet and found jobs I know I can do and (4 realz) automatically I clicked on send, it was until one of them called asking to interview me that I truly realized what I was doing... setting myself up again.
NOTE: I have managed not to do that yesterday and today and instead, little by little, research on places, programs, etc that I do wish to work at. I know it's going to take time, but most of all (as always) to stop going back to my old habits. =)
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Ahh life, dreams, plans
Ain’t it funny how all these funny little pieces that make up your life sometimes seem to make no sense and how, just like a puzzle, they seem to magically fit together and make one magical marvelous picture?
For a while I’ve been thinking (and writing) about how I’m so over corporate life and how I just want to get back to what (I believe) really matters… giving back.
The plan was to start researching about places I could volunteer and also what I need to shift my career toward this, so I started the research got some names of institutions near my house
On a parallel note, me and a friend had been planning to visit some friends that moved to
The week started and progressed normally and then came Friday, my boss asked me to meet him at the corporate building (our department’s office was set up in a building near by). So I went, and it happened, got fired… just like I hoped. I got a good severance pay and got to splurge a little with my friends.
Yes I’m a little nervous that the money will run-out before I get settled in, but no matter, nothing is guaranteed and I’m starting to look in at part-time jobs so as to not run out.
But most of all I just have to get started on my plan, no more excuses, now it all really up to me!!!
It’s my proclamation of independence =)
]]>The circles are closing
So this week was fun starting since last Saturday, when my sis and I went to the Harold Lloyd film festival (silent movies, but I’ll go into that in a different journal) and on Sunday I went to see my teenage crushes with my cousin (kitten was never into them… her loss) so this just left my heart and mind feeling good. It’s like my head cleared up and I can finally get to what needs to be done, take care of my pending commitments so when the time to move on from this job comes I won’t have any regrets.
It doesn’t matter what everyone says when I leave, just what I think and how I feel when this chapter closes, and most of all, what I learn from it.
I know now that I need a bigger change than just the company, and everything is pointing toward a career change, so that’s really exciting.
My therapist recommended I start investigating what I will need (like a certification or something) so I’m prepared when it happens.
This is exciting and scary ‘cause I really feel like I’m going back to my roots, my genuine self.
We all have to make this trip and find out who we really are, some change completely and find their true selves, others we change and in that change find a balance between the old and the new.
It’s a scary often painful trip, but the truth is if you make it with conviction and try to stay open… it’s worth it.
]]>Life’s not all that serious
This weekend was silly fun, and I loved the feeling, but most of all I realized how much I miss this feeling of letting go and just laughing outloud.
Eventhough I’ve known I’m not happy and been trying to make changes in my life for a while now, somehow I hadn’t realized how tightly wound I really was and most of all how withdrawn I’d gotten. The truth is I’ve never been a social butterfly and I’m tottaly aware and comfortable with that fact but still, in my own little world I’d have fun, recently… not so much.
I mean… I know I’m on the verge of closing a circle, I have a ritual to do so I can close the door to my past lovelife and be able to look for something new and healthy and I have a decision to make labor wise, ‘cause I don’t want to keep working and feeling like I’m not contributing to this earth so in a way I’m doing my own little ritual for that.
I’ve also been thinking bout leaving this city, I’m really growing tired of the grind and how backwards people are here (I’m missing the hippie
What I have to do is find my nitche, mostly a job where I am around people with whom I share similar values and points of view ‘cause I really think this is what eventually gets to me and why I always leave, so I guess going after the financial security isn’t what I need and it’s more about the emotial security and feeling like I am understood and that I belong.
I miss being a hippie
]]>Nothing’s for ever… Thank God
So last week my therapist said I should write a letter, burn it and use it as soil to plant something, the symbolism being that it would help something new and beautiful grow. The idea is beautiful, makes sense and I don’t feel apprehensive at all about doing it… but I haven’t been to busy but the truth is that eventhough I like the idea I know I need time to do it, it’s not like I can write the letter one day and 2, 3 days later burn it and then after a few more days do the plant thing… it needs to be a complete ritual and between time and energy I’m busy and maybe not as there as I would want… but one thing’s definite, I’m moving on and I need to know what my next move is going to be, I really like training but at least ‘til now I haven’t been able to figure out how to do it without being in the corporate world… or maybe what I don’t like is being in an authority position, maybe… but nah,
Or maybe if I did some volunteer work it would help, the thing is I’ve always wanted my life to matter and right now it doesn’t feel that way (by matter I mean transcend and do good), even though I do the cyber-activism duties and eventhough my principles are still the same, I feel like I’m not moving forward and that hurts my heart.