trustno1

Wow, I didn’t write a single one of these through all August, and the truth is I thought I didn’t have much to say since I’m not working and not much is going on interpersonally, but as I’m writing this I realize that there is stuff going on internally.

About a week ago my father came to the city for a conference and I swear the minute he told me he was coming, even though he wasn’t going to stay with us and most of his time was booked, I got nervous. My relationship with my dad (as I guess most relationships are) is not easy. I was raised to be independent and self-assured but still they were very strict and still after 10 years of living in another city (and thus out of their house) when we are together the father-daughter roles take over and if you add to that the oversensitivity that I’ve had die to my insecurity… well it’s a miracle my head didn’t explode, and also the fact that the last time he came wasn’t so pretty.

I can tell you now that the days leading up to it I was somewhat anxious…

Then the day came, he called on his way to the hotel and I left to meet him (sis joined in later), we ended up spending a good time just me and him… talking, looking at books, etc. I’m not gonna say that magically things changed but now I can really see how I’ve changed. When he asked what I was currently doing and how active I was on issues… that at any other time would’ve set me off to say something that would’ve made this visit end up bad.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that even when you think change or lessons aren’t happening… they are.