What I learned this month

What I learned this... month!

Wow, I didn’t write a single one of these through all August, and the truth is I thought I didn’t have much to say since I’m not working and not much is going on interpersonally, but as I’m writing this I realize that there is stuff going on internally.

About a week ago my father came to the city for a conference and I swear the minute he told me he was coming, even though he wasn’t going to stay with us and most of his time was booked, I got nervous. My relationship with my dad (as I guess most relationships are) is not easy. I was raised to be independent and self-assured but still they were very strict and still after 10 years of living in another city (and thus out of their house) when we are together the father-daughter roles take over and if you add to that the oversensitivity that I’ve had die to my insecurity… well it’s a miracle my head didn’t explode, and also the fact that the last time he came wasn’t so pretty.

I can tell you now that the days leading up to it I was somewhat anxious…

Then the day came, he called on his way to the hotel and I left to meet him (sis joined in later), we ended up spending a good time just me and him… talking, looking at books, etc. I’m not gonna say that magically things changed but now I can really see how I’ve changed. When he asked what I was currently doing and how active I was on issues… that at any other time would’ve set me off to say something that would’ve made this visit end up bad.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that even when you think change or lessons aren’t happening… they are.

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Comments (7)

	Seb ™: 09/03/2008 2:12 PM It sounds like it worked out a lot better than you expected so that's a good thing. August just went to fast so I understand the whole not posting journals about it. Someone told me that it's only 15 weekends till Christmas; where has this year gone. I'm glad that you're still sharing; reading your journals give me comfort. I feel that I can't write journals like this anymore & it frustrates me (but that's my issues not yours sorry for crapping on your journal).
	sappysuperunknown10: 09/03/2008 3:12 PM I have an extremely difficult relationship with my father but every once in a while there are moments when we get along so well it actually surprises me, how much I enjoy his company. But that happens very very rarely :/
	trustno1: 09/03/2008 5:28 PM seb said: (but that's my issues not yours sorry for crapping on your journal). not crapping at all, this is why I like the journals =) the sharing is comforting. And yes it went much better than I expected.
	trustno1: 09/03/2008 5:29 PM sappysuperunknown10 said: I have an extremely difficult relationship with my father but every once in a while there are moments when we get along so well it actually surprises me, how much I enjoy his company. But that happens very very rarely :/ Sip, te entiendo totalmente. Ojala te de un poco de esperanza que cuando estes viejita como yo eso cambie, jeje, es chiste no me siento taaaaaan vieja, pero si ha tomado tiempo y esfuerzo.
	I R Kitten, HEAR ME rewr: 09/04/2008 10:23 AM Yeah, I was kind of waiting for something to blow up, but it was really nice. What is that Lennon quote: "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans"?
	trustno1: 09/04/2008 1:11 PM @kitten: Exactly!
	allyn: 11/12/2008 3:04 PM ahhahaha..i hope i can see and learn those lessons