trustno1

What I learned this week, 22 jun 08

Life’s not all that serious

This weekend was silly fun, and I loved the feeling, but most of all I realized how much I miss this feeling of letting go and just laughing outloud.

Eventhough I’ve known I’m not happy and been trying to make changes in my life for a while now, somehow I hadn’t realized how tightly wound I really was and most of all how withdrawn I’d gotten. The truth is I’ve never been a social butterfly and I’m tottaly aware and comfortable with that fact but still, in my own little world I’d have fun, recently… not so much.

I mean… I know I’m on the verge of closing a circle, I have a ritual to do so I can close the door to my past lovelife and be able to look for something new and healthy and I have a decision to make labor wise, ‘cause I don’t want to keep working and feeling like I’m not contributing to this earth so in a way I’m doing my own little ritual for that.

I’ve also been thinking bout leaving this city, I’m really growing tired of the grind and how backwards people are here (I’m missing the hippie California lifestyle). But with this I still have some hope.

What I have to do is find my nitche, mostly a job where I am around people with whom I share similar values and points of view ‘cause I really think this is what eventually gets to me and why I always leave, so I guess going after the financial security isn’t what I need and it’s more about the emotial security and feeling like I am understood and that I belong.

I miss being a hippie