trustno1

Well, fortunately something stuck from last weekend’s therapy session ‘cause she threw a doosy this time and that is what I learned this week.

The week was mainly drama free and now I realize (and/or acknowledge) that I’m having a hard time because I’m doing HR stuff without being part of the HR department in the company, I don’t report to them, I am not their staff and well, when you are not a part of them, authorized by them or whatever, well it’s just to hard to get the information or input I “expect” or “need” to feel like I’m doing my job.

So I’m talking about this in therapy, just feeling normal, no biggie and all of a sudden she just starts relating this to my personal life and I go “what the hell, we where being normal and non-drama!

I got angry… which is completely stupid ‘cause that’s why I’m going and it’s scary; I realized it right then and there and it was still hard but at least we got something and it’s how we moved around so much when I was young and being naturally oversensitive it just affected me and my relationship skill more than I had realized.

Friends didn’t last very long and trust was hard ‘cause someone always ended up telling well that just made me feel like a laughing stock.

Mentally I know this happened to practically everybody when growing up, but emotionally I haven’t gotten passed it.

When I moved to Mexico City I felt like the foreigner, I had an accent and talked more in spanglish than Spanish… and the truth is mentally I’m foreign when you realize how backwards they are here) so that was hard and severely limited my possibilities for relationships and friends.

When I first joined the company I am at right now I had really high expectations, it seemed like a really open-minded place, there are a lot of people from up-north which made it feel like home, but little by little reality set in and well, I don’t like reality and evermore when it makes me feel like an outcast again and more now that I’m the only weirdo (in high school and college I had a clique now it’s just me). And the I got this from a friend:

“Never explain yourself to anyone, because who likes you doesn’t need it and who dislikes you won’t believe it.

Don’t let someone become a priority in your life when you are just an option in their life…

Relationships work best when balanced.

When we wake up in the morning, we have two simple choices, go back to sleep and dream or wake up and chase these dreams, choice is yours…

We make them cry who care for us, we cry for those who never care for us and we care for those who will never cry for us.

This is the truth of life… it’s strange but true. Once you realize this, it’s never to late to change.

Don’t make promises when you are in joy. Don’t reply when you are sad. Don’t make decisions when you are angry. Think twice, act wise.

Time is like a river, you cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again.

Enjoy every moment of life…

When you keep saying you are busy, then you are never free.

When you keep saying you have no time, then you will never have time.

When you keep saying you will do it tomorrow, then your tomorrow will never come.

And that’s when I got it:

I have to stop mourning my past

Life happened back then

And it should happen now, on it’s own

Without the overtones from yesterday

I’m beginning to know who I am, why simple things are hard but also…

Why it should be, learning to let go, and new ways to breathe.