trustno1

Hi Guys, I am so pleased that you liked this little crooked box and that some of you even want to make them! So here are the instructions:

You will need a carton of milk, juice or something along those lines that is really clean so and dry it won’t be smelling up your house after a few days.

The measurements of the cartons used for this particular box are 7 cm x 20 cm which is the average measurments of cartons of milk here in Mexico. Also make sure that the carton has straight edges and is not the kind with the roundy ones (this don’t work well for this box)

• Scissors (really pointy scissors – the kid kind don’t do a very good job)
• Ruler
• Pencil
• Masquin tape
• Glue stick
• Double sided tape

And don’t throw anything away until the end (I learned this the hard way)

1. Measure 7 cm (from bottom up) on each side of the carton and draw a straight line all around

2. Measure another 7 cm from this line up again and draw a straight line through all of them also

3. In each of the lines you drew, put a mark in the middle (this means you should be marking at 3.5 cm)

4. From this mark draw a straight line to the left corner of its bottom line and a straight line to the right corner. (This should leave you with a triangle – do this on every side and on both 7 cm segments of your box.

For the triangles on the bottom you will need to go over the angles with a scissor in order to scar it (use a ruler and do it carefully so the scissor doesn’t go it’s own sweet way and end up scarring in unwanted places o____O ) this will ease the process of folding

5.Cut the excess at the Top and put aside – just be sure to cut a really straight line and not to leave any fuzzy

6.Now we are going to separate the 7 cm segments from each other: cut from the tip of one of your triangles straight to one of its corners and when you hit the middle straight line cut all around the straight line (DO NOT CUT ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM)

7.Place the part you just cut out as if it was one flat piece of paper and this must leave you with 8 triangles – cut them carefully so they are all individual pieces and put them aside for a moment

8.Now go back to the box you are left with and carefully try to bring in the corners of the box while bringing out the tips of the triangle (do this one at a time)

MAKING THE LID

9.Now go back and get your triangles and with the glue stick paste two together making sure that the part that faces out is the white one and not the one with all the wordings and such – this will leave you with four triangles Let dry  

10.Now grab your masking tape and stick some (about half of its width to one of the corners of the triangle

11.Grab another of the triangles and place it parallel on top of the side with the tape and stick the tape to it

12.Do the same to all the sides and this should give you a pyramid. Make sure to put tape on both sides so it’s stays in place. Now put two or three pieces across on each side also

13.Now you have your box and you can decorate it with any paper you want!

I promise I will write the paper beading (criss-crossing) and putting it on the box soon.

I have said here more than once that my hometown is Tijuana, Mexico. The TJ community is in reality small - at least mine. It's hard to meet someone really new 'cause everyone either went to some school toghether, were neighbors, are related or something.

When I lived in TJ I ran into people all the time: market, concert, somewhere. This doesn't mean I said Hello all the time because, and I'm being totally honest, not everyone I have ever known is someone I like or where nice to me (or just nice in general). In High School (Prepa) I was mostly considered a wierdo by my class-mates as often commented by one of them - who by the way orchestrated a fake diploma ceremony on our graduation dinner where I received the best dressed award (O___O) . . . .  yup that was my actual face when I got up to receive it.

So anyway, to my point: last year I opened up a Facebook acount in order to stay in touch with some local friends that when to Spain for a year and another friend that is still here in Mexico City but that I don't get to see very often... (the truth is I rarely comment with either of them) so one day I open my FB and I find someone has sent me a greeting or whatever it's called... IT'S THIS F-CREATURE!!!! saying "longtime no see - how are you?" - - - -  I obviously didn't answer, no way, what for. I deleted the message and horrified try to go on, this was some months ago; this week I open my account again and guess who sent me an invite!?!?!? W T F ???????

MORAL OF THE STORY:

We've been out of school for like 20 years and I've been out of TJ for 10. We know people in common, don't you think that if I'd wanted to find you I would've done so???????

If I haven't tracked you down in more than ten years - take the hint!!!

 Why did I ever get on Facebook?

A little belated but here it goes:

On the fourth it was one year that I was "let go" from the company I worked at and still remain forever grateful. It wasn't the worst job I'd ever had - that's not it at all - and it wasn't the best job ever - pretty building, pretty people but still a job just like any other: no better, no worse. What this job was was a mirror of all the jobs before it and the road I had paved for myself: a stress filled, neurotic avenue that only left space for working, the minimal household chores and sleeping.

This wasn't what I had pictured when I started my studies. When I was in school I always pictured my job as being useful in the transition from being a newbie to being fully integrated into the work space, that's why I liked training, and the part about dissecting and trying to explain step by step how stuff works is the kind of thing I really love to do. But time and time again I was confronted by reality, companies don't care too much for training, it takes time out what is considered "production" and they'd rather have people working and trying to learn at the same time (even though this makes a lot of people leave soon and just making the recruiting thing an unending mess not to mention you are always giving the same basic training course over and over again); and then there are the productivity and government compliance reports, everybody wants to look good but nobody really cares about them being real.

And behavior in the workplace is not much better, aside from the backstabbing the leadership always leaves much to be desired, it's like bosses think that by telling you that your job is at stake if you don't keep the numbers up (even though you don't have the power to make that happen) you'll be stimulated to "do much better" and for what just so they can go to their meetings and show what a great job THEY are doing.

I seriously felt like I was inside a pool (btw can't swim) standing on my tip-toe's with water up to my neck and my bosses looking at me and just saying "I think it needs more water, yeah more water we can still put more water in there". Every time it just felt like the more work I did the more work that would be thrown my way and I couldn't say no 'cause that would just be unprofessional and nobody in their right mind would ever do that.

It's like I realized all the commonalities that there are in every workplace and I didn't like it. I just started to realize how completely invested I was on working and how much of my self-worth had to do with how work was going. Fortunately this time I was smart enough to see the common thread: corporate life ain't for me and when I assumed this and admitted I wanted out I was given an out that has let me be job free - stress free for a whole year!

I haven't done anything world changing in this year but I have been able to just relax and sort of "retrain my brain" to realize that not every single thing is my responsibility and that being no.1 at everything is not what makes me a worthy human.

This year I've been reading, writing my journal, cooking, exercising, a couple of crafts and generally focusing on me -  someone I hadn't put much attention on in a while.

Hi guys,

Well just to let you know that the electrical gods in general hate me at the moment and for one of their trickeries we (kitten76 & me) are at the moment internetless.

It all started on sunday when we happily set up a new wireless internet, everything was fine. Monday when I tried to connect my lap would no anything but turn on and display menus, it was a long long day and with it being soooo slow it was until tuesday that I figured out that the antivirus the new product had was what made it so awfully slow. Thankfully I hadn^t cancelled the other service so we still have that but I can^t set up the old antivirus and the on-line service is a sham, so I will have to call to see if they can help me.

Then yesterday we had no electricity for the whole day (this has been happening a lot lately and I am sure it is politically motivated, but that^s a whole other blog), and today when I tried to use my phone to answer a call I discovered that it^s not working, so now I have to figure out what the heck is going on with that.

Last week was hard but this week has been ridiculus, and it seems that as soon as I fix something another thing explodes so I am trying to take it slow and not spazzz on it to much.

Hopefully this will be solved soon and will be able to catch up with you guys in no time, but just in case you don^t see me around in these days.... well now you know why.

Later

Well, I'm of to have lunch with my ex-coworker, I have not been near the place since I got laid off. I am also going to pick up my "yes she worked for us a while" letter and going into that building is kinda getting me antzy... makes no sense but still, I'm kinda nervous.

Wish me peace

Wow, I didn’t write a single one of these through all August, and the truth is I thought I didn’t have much to say since I’m not working and not much is going on interpersonally, but as I’m writing this I realize that there is stuff going on internally.

About a week ago my father came to the city for a conference and I swear the minute he told me he was coming, even though he wasn’t going to stay with us and most of his time was booked, I got nervous. My relationship with my dad (as I guess most relationships are) is not easy. I was raised to be independent and self-assured but still they were very strict and still after 10 years of living in another city (and thus out of their house) when we are together the father-daughter roles take over and if you add to that the oversensitivity that I’ve had die to my insecurity… well it’s a miracle my head didn’t explode, and also the fact that the last time he came wasn’t so pretty.

I can tell you now that the days leading up to it I was somewhat anxious…

Then the day came, he called on his way to the hotel and I left to meet him (sis joined in later), we ended up spending a good time just me and him… talking, looking at books, etc. I’m not gonna say that magically things changed but now I can really see how I’ve changed. When he asked what I was currently doing and how active I was on issues… that at any other time would’ve set me off to say something that would’ve made this visit end up bad.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that even when you think change or lessons aren’t happening… they are.

This week I learned that sticking to a plan and leaving old habits isn't so easy.

Last week I stopped working for my employer and eventhough I had thought this out and am completely aware that what I want is to do something new and "non-corporate" this week I found myself applying for exactly the same type of job. I went on the internet and found jobs I know I can do and (4 realz) automatically I clicked on send, it was until one of them called asking to interview me that I truly realized what I was doing... setting myself up again.

NOTE: I have managed not to do that yesterday and today and instead, little by little, research on places, programs, etc that I do wish to work at. I know it's going to take time, but most of all (as always) to stop going back to my old habits. =)

Coincidence… I think not, All plans a go, I LOVED JUNE AND HOW IT SET UP JULY!!!

Ahh life, dreams, plans

Ain’t it funny how all these funny little pieces that make up your life sometimes seem to make no sense and how, just like a puzzle, they seem to magically fit together and make one magical marvelous picture?

For a while I’ve been thinking (and writing) about how I’m so over corporate life and how I just want to get back to what (I believe) really matters… giving back.

The plan was to start researching about places I could volunteer and also what I need to shift my career toward this, so I started the research got some names of institutions near my house

On a parallel note, me and a friend had been planning to visit some friends that moved to Monterrey but for one reason or another we’d been moving the date, but finally we set it… july 4 to 6^th

The week started and progressed normally and then came Friday, my boss asked me to meet him at the corporate building (our department’s office was set up in a building near by). So I went, and it happened, got fired… just like I hoped. I got a good severance pay and got to splurge a little with my friends.

Yes I’m a little nervous that the money will run-out before I get settled in, but no matter, nothing is guaranteed and I’m starting to look in at part-time jobs so as to not run out.

But most of all I just have to get started on my plan, no more excuses, now it all really up to me!!!

It’s my proclamation of independence  =)

What I learned this week, 29 jun 08

The circles are closing

So this week was fun starting since last Saturday, when my sis and I went to the Harold Lloyd film festival (silent movies, but I’ll go into that in a different journal) and on Sunday I went to see my teenage crushes with my cousin (kitten was never into them… her loss) so this just left my heart and mind feeling good. It’s like my head cleared up and I can finally get to what needs to be done, take care of my pending commitments so when the time to move on from this job comes I won’t have any regrets.

It doesn’t matter what everyone says when I leave, just what I think and how I feel when this chapter closes, and most of all, what I learn from it.

I know now that I need a bigger change than just the company, and everything is pointing toward a career change, so that’s really exciting.

My therapist recommended I start investigating what I will need (like a certification or something) so I’m prepared when it happens.

This is exciting and scary ‘cause I really feel like I’m going back to my roots, my genuine self.

We all have to make this trip and find out who we really are, some change completely and find their true selves, others we change and in that change find a balance between the old and the new.

It’s a scary often painful trip, but the truth is if you make it with conviction and try to stay open… it’s worth it.

What I learned this week, 22 jun 08

Life’s not all that serious

This weekend was silly fun, and I loved the feeling, but most of all I realized how much I miss this feeling of letting go and just laughing outloud.

Eventhough I’ve known I’m not happy and been trying to make changes in my life for a while now, somehow I hadn’t realized how tightly wound I really was and most of all how withdrawn I’d gotten. The truth is I’ve never been a social butterfly and I’m tottaly aware and comfortable with that fact but still, in my own little world I’d have fun, recently… not so much.

I mean… I know I’m on the verge of closing a circle, I have a ritual to do so I can close the door to my past lovelife and be able to look for something new and healthy and I have a decision to make labor wise, ‘cause I don’t want to keep working and feeling like I’m not contributing to this earth so in a way I’m doing my own little ritual for that.

I’ve also been thinking bout leaving this city, I’m really growing tired of the grind and how backwards people are here (I’m missing the hippie California lifestyle). But with this I still have some hope.

What I have to do is find my nitche, mostly a job where I am around people with whom I share similar values and points of view ‘cause I really think this is what eventually gets to me and why I always leave, so I guess going after the financial security isn’t what I need and it’s more about the emotial security and feeling like I am understood and that I belong.

I miss being a hippie

What I learned this week, 15 jun 08

Nothing’s for ever… Thank God

So last week my therapist said I should write a letter, burn it and use it as soil to plant something, the symbolism being that it would help something new and beautiful grow. The idea is beautiful, makes sense and I don’t feel apprehensive at all about doing it… but I haven’t been to busy but the truth is that eventhough I like the idea I know I need time to do it, it’s not like I can write the letter one day and 2, 3 days later burn it and then after a few more days do the plant thing… it needs to be a complete ritual and between time and energy I’m busy and maybe not as there as I would want… but one thing’s definite, I’m moving on and I need to know what my next move is going to be, I really like training but at least ‘til now I haven’t been able to figure out how to do it without being in the corporate world… or maybe what I don’t like is being in an authority position, maybe… but nah,

Or maybe if I did some volunteer work it would help, the thing is I’ve always wanted my life to matter and right now it doesn’t feel that way (by matter I mean transcend and do good), even though I do the cyber-activism duties and eventhough my principles are still the same, I feel like I’m not moving forward and that hurts my heart.

What I learned this week, 1 jun 08

Didn’t write it this Sunday, but here it goes.

I learned that I handle my job related “interactions” way different than my personal ones.

For some reason at work it’s easier for me to just move on and/or express my feelings but when it comes to my personal stuff it’s just another story and I know why…

When it comes to putting myself out there and letting others get to know me and even more get judged by others is just to damn much, I’ve always identified and felt more comfortable in my non-conformists role. In school it was easy, we grouped in cliques and after jr. high I hung around with the outcasts. Had a grand time, don’t get me wrong, but then the scene became the job… and it got hard.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m still having doubts about staying in my field, and not so much the field but the corporate scene, there has got to be someway I can do this but with a bigger purpose in mind than getting money and power, be it for me or the place I’m at.

Work shouldn’t be this hard and also this consuming I’m just waking up to my life and I want to live it, travel, go out on the town, vegg at home, do crafts, do BNmissions, and fall in love with music all over again.

I get the (not meant in an abusive or degrading way) “your crazy” or “your so weird” thing a lot mostly from friends, the family just laughs or gives me the look. Some call me sarcastic ( me for one), but that’s not all that makes me ME.

The thing is that by age 8 I was exposed to what I know deem as weird stuff, specially visual mening TV and/or movies, this some of it

Jason and the Argonauts, I think I was 7

Savage Planet – I was 7 or 8 when I saw this and just couldn’t get this images out of my head til their showed it here in Mexico City about 4 years ago, so I dragged my sister along and two friends, by the end one of them turned to me and said “they took you to watch this when you where a child!”

Planet of the Apes

Dinosaur movies …. I was obsessed with the XXX

La princesa caballero – Princes Knight (and they ask why I am in a stride to be independent and have a feminist point of view),

Tim Rabbit, this alone defines my phobia over animals wearing clothes (but just animals that look real, could never be scared of the muppets or Mickey). I was about 9 when my mom took me to see this, we’d just come back from living in London and I guess she thought it would be nice to see the gardens (cause in truth I never liked the stories, no offense to anyone) but it just freaked me out! Animals that looked like people… in clothing… it’s a wonder I could have pets!

That’s all, got the point?

Learning is hard work when somebody else is dictating the homework

I’m happy ‘cause life is becoming “less heavy” for me and how the goal is to keep it up, and I know I can!

But still, I know that what’s left is going to be very dense (it’s all that I’ve been carrying with me for most of  my life and that I never ever talk about, I can feel my jaw tensing as I write).

So I know that my current job is not what I want, ‘cause it doesn’t match with me and my principles and every week some kind of information or remark comes up that just solidifies the way I feel right now.

And I’m ok with this now, I understand and accept this, I wanted this to be my job ‘til it was time to retire but stuff happens and plans change. But now, with all I am living (going thru) I need to make my next move in a more planned manner. Before, when I changed jobs it’s always been among the same lines just a different company that is it’s always been corporate, office work. Some might even call it pencil pushing (I am).

But at the end of it all I always have problems with “the system”, I hate it that it’s all about the money in some way or another.

I want to do something that either contributes or at least doesn’t end up making me feel fake. And then my therapist leaves me homework: try and figure out why it is you are living this…

That’s easy! I thought, and started to go on about it being about learning from it and to stop repeating patterns and… NOPE, she didn’t buy it, I still have homework, guess that means I have to go deeper and really know what it is I should be learning…

It looks like the journal for next week is gonna be a long one…  =)

Well, fortunately something stuck from last weekend’s therapy session ‘cause she threw a doosy this time and that is what I learned this week.

The week was mainly drama free and now I realize (and/or acknowledge) that I’m having a hard time because I’m doing HR stuff without being part of the HR department in the company, I don’t report to them, I am not their staff and well, when you are not a part of them, authorized by them or whatever, well it’s just to hard to get the information or input I “expect” or “need” to feel like I’m doing my job.

So I’m talking about this in therapy, just feeling normal, no biggie and all of a sudden she just starts relating this to my personal life and I go “what the hell, we where being normal and non-drama!

I got angry… which is completely stupid ‘cause that’s why I’m going and it’s scary; I realized it right then and there and it was still hard but at least we got something and it’s how we moved around so much when I was young and being naturally oversensitive it just affected me and my relationship skill more than I had realized.

Friends didn’t last very long and trust was hard ‘cause someone always ended up telling well that just made me feel like a laughing stock.

Mentally I know this happened to practically everybody when growing up, but emotionally I haven’t gotten passed it.

When I moved to Mexico City I felt like the foreigner, I had an accent and talked more in spanglish than Spanish… and the truth is mentally I’m foreign when you realize how backwards they are here) so that was hard and severely limited my possibilities for relationships and friends.

When I first joined the company I am at right now I had really high expectations, it seemed like a really open-minded place, there are a lot of people from up-north which made it feel like home, but little by little reality set in and well, I don’t like reality and evermore when it makes me feel like an outcast again and more now that I’m the only weirdo (in high school and college I had a clique now it’s just me). And the I got this from a friend:

“Never explain yourself to anyone, because who likes you doesn’t need it and who dislikes you won’t believe it.

Don’t let someone become a priority in your life when you are just an option in their life…

Relationships work best when balanced.

When we wake up in the morning, we have two simple choices, go back to sleep and dream or wake up and chase these dreams, choice is yours…

We make them cry who care for us, we cry for those who never care for us and we care for those who will never cry for us.

This is the truth of life… it’s strange but true. Once you realize this, it’s never to late to change.

Don’t make promises when you are in joy. Don’t reply when you are sad. Don’t make decisions when you are angry. Think twice, act wise.

Time is like a river, you cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again.

Enjoy every moment of life…

When you keep saying you are busy, then you are never free.

When you keep saying you have no time, then you will never have time.

When you keep saying you will do it tomorrow, then your tomorrow will never come.

And that’s when I got it:

I have to stop mourning my past

Life happened back then

And it should happen now, on it’s own

Without the overtones from yesterday

I’m beginning to know who I am, why simple things are hard but also…

Why it should be, learning to let go, and new ways to breathe.

Ok, so it’s Sunday night and there’s no light. I decided to write this weeks journal directly on to my laptop (I always do it by hand first), so here it goes:

What I learned this week

Change takes (and is) a lot of work, and what you change isn’t always what you first thought of changing.

For some weeks now I was fine and happy thinking that finally I had stopped whinnying about life, and that I was doing like Buda not letting things affect me in a personal level and not being part of the problem.

Well, I am not going to say that this concept is totally wrong ‘cause it’s not, but it isn’t as easy as I thought. Just because I got it fast does not mean it sticks, you have to make it stick and that is hard work!

I have come to accept that my job is not as fulfilling as I had once hoped, and after trying to make an impact with no real success (here I have to explain that the impact I am trying to make is to create more synergy, team work and real leadership within the department I work for, but now I see that this is not a priority for the big cheeses so I am really working against their objectives) I am now at a cross-roads as to what to do.

I first chose this career because I wanted to make an impact, I love creating and also teaching and the premise of being able to teach and grow your staff from within is something I believe in, but it does not seem to be what companies want (at least not any I have worked for). And a lack of competitive want has just come to hinder me also, because when I realize I want to win, I just don’t know how to compete and make myself heard, I either turn into a big crybaby or an aggressive $@%&, (really it’s not pretty). And the truth is I hurt myself, I loose sleep, I get jittery, anxious and either stop eating or over-eat.

Yesterday I went to therapy and just went on about my lousy two weeks, them my therapist pointed out I was going after the whole system, not just my bosses of the company, but the whole system in general. I kinda knew that but hadn’t acknowledged it. Then she asked if I thought that by being disappointed or bothered by this I thought things would change, or by all of us feeling this way things would change. Of course I don’t think that! But duh, then why the hell use up to much of my time and energy on feeling crappy?

Stupid right?!?

Especially if everybody else is going about their job in order not to be one of the cast-offs when the time comes.

Nobody expects me to be their savior but me. But still, I can’t bear to see this happening. I can’t stand to see people in the HR department being such asses and treating all information as national secrets, what other reason is there for HR to exist if not to help managers make good personnel decisions?, how can it be that a new manager can not ask to see performance evaluations of her newly inherited staff when she is expected to decide their fate after interacting with them for little less than a month?!?

Again I see that by views and the companies are very different, and I am not going to change a company, I can only change myself, so now I am doing what I am expected only that. But it kills me, so it’s just a coping mechanism while I find an alternative.

And now I have to decide what that alternative will be, will it be in another department? Another company? Or a different career altogether? Don’t know yet, don’t want to rush it.

I am having an identity crisis (?)…

As I’ve said before; I’m in therapy and currently reading “A New Earth”, and it’s helped a lot. I now don’t take things so seriously, I can separate job from life and that is incredible because criticism is now on the event not in my life, so that is BIG.

And then, I got to chapter 9 and how to know what is your inner purpose. Obviously there is no secret formula or way to know what your purpose in life is, but what it does say is that you should be at peace with the present and live it fully, not for what happened or for a future that as much as you plan will never be exact.

I get that, but now I have to face the fact that I’m not at peace with the present, mainly in regards to work. I do not agree with what’s going on and that always affect me. I have always had this hippie-activist spirit and in some way I know this is the parents fault (I mean that sarcastically) because they live by the Hippocratic oath and no matter what they’ve kept it. This has always made it clear to me that money, power and fame don’t matter if you’re taking advantage of others.

I know it sounds high and mighty but that’s the way I have interpreted my life and have lived up to now and that is what let’s me sleep at night.

This is not a big Erin Brokovich saga, more of a downsizing, outsourcing thing but still disgusting and then you add the fact that two of the companies values are respect and communication and you realize that this just ain’t true.

I get testy when tired and stressed

And even more I question if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.

This week I learned that I still have to learn that not everything is my responsibility and that I need things to be clear and straight.

I’m feeling anxious right now, sort of dreading going to work tomorrow, the rat race is not for me, never has been and still isn’t.

I really do need to sit down and if I’m not going to have a detailed plan I at least need to make a decision on what I will do with the rest of my life. I want to be happy, and worrying about money and competing is not part of it.

I’m just not in the mood today; I still have 2 weeks to go before therapy. Maybe that’s it, I’m afraid of three weeks with no therapy.

I do know what’s up, I’m nervous and apprehensive.

Ever since my therapist brought up the “going one step deeper” thing, I’ve been wound up, mentally I am eager to do it and leave all this pain, resentment and insecurity behind. But emotionally I am wrapped into a tightly wound up ball.

I don’t know why I am resisting it; it’s been years since we’ve had any contact more than the small talk e-mail which in reality was for my last bday.

Yes I’m still bitter and that’s precisely why I need to start this part of my therapy and this is precisely why I am afraid. I’ve spent years building this shell and getting used to being alone and refining my lone wolf reputation… and now someone says I should break it down!

Scary and even scarier when you factor in the fact that this means I won’t have an excuse for being anti-social and scared of men and scared of trusting and  being let down altogether.

Though I have to say I am handling things better, more impersonal and rational without the drama and personal pain imprint, which is great.

What I learned this week

I’m stepping up

This week I learned that even thought the insecurity is still there, it’s not winning anymore.

And I miss my family, talked to my parents, my grandma and my cousin this week and finally I seem to be getting the urge to live and be out with people.

The house is a mess but that’s not important anymore, I have to get things in order and get someone to help so I can have a life. I don’t know if I’m ready for a lot of mingling, but at least be out where others are.

Confidence and trust do a lot for me which is good and bad, what I really have to learn now is not to let it affect me so much… take it, learn from it and let it.

So I haven’t posted for a while, been writing them but not uploading.

I wrote this last week when I had the intention of uploading:

So I’ve been writing my journal but not posting. Lazy ass syndrome I guess…

After therapy this Saturday, I now think I hadn’t posted because I needed to read them again. Tx Seb =)